his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
