North Korea, Best Korea!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
