im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
