It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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