I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
