i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
