omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
