"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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