Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
