I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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