I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
