there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
