We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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