A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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