I wanna bring you to show and tell
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
