if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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