she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
