ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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