Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
