does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
