Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
