If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
