Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Terrible idea I love it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
