you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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