what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
