he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
