my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
