I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
