I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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