i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish my penis had a tongue
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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