ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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