I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
