I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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