I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
