Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
