I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
