id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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