I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
