my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
