Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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