I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
