I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
