My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
