So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
