'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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