were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
