I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pooping to opera.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
