i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
