So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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