this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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