If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
