i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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