i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
