I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You are the jesus of drinking
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
