All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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