pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
