Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
