Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
