I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
